I was in a similar situation a few years back with my now-husband and my heart hurts for you. Right now I'm about to unload a whole mess of disjointed advice on you. Resolve your arguments peacefully. Forgive, apologize, and make up with each other. Threatening to break up after every fight will lead to nothing being truly resolved. Take breaking up off the table. Instead, reaffirm your commitment to making this work, and use that as a starting point to talk (as calmly as you can keep it) throug
h all of your problems, as long or as frequently as you need, until the issue is resolved and both of you feel comfortable moving forward. Never generalize by using words like “constantly” “every time” “always”, use specific instances. Remind each other how in love you are, how in love you were, how in love you can be; your love made a wonderful little person! Get infatuated and enamored again. Spice it up, go on a date, buy each other flowers, make a special dinner, slowdance, go on a staycation and do things you’ve always wanted to do in your city. And I can’t stress enough how important it is to take breaking up off the table. Also couples therapy can’t hurt you. It might be a good way to WORK THROUGH the bad, and remind each other of the good - your son, any very fond memories, your commitment to each other, your ability to be strong as essentially a single mama while he is away (supportive)! If you pray, pray together. If you don’t, that’s okay too. Always admit when you’re wrong. Never gloat when you’re right. Reward honesty; give the other kiss whenever he/she says something hard that is to say - admitting fears or doubts can lead to a constructive conversation about how to make your love stronger. Resist the urge to correct each other it’s not worth it. Have a safe word for fights. Wen arguments get to be that heatd, sick, lightheaded, or sad and hurtful fight, be able to say “pause” and take a half hour of non-fighting. I swear, it helps. Only say sorry when you really mean to apologize for something you did wrong. (Always admit when you ARE wrong though) Never apologize for who you are, or to make the other person feel bad. Say thank you for everything. Really, this one’s huge. And it really works. Say thank you for every little silly thing. Say thank you so much it feels weird. Go out of your way to do something thoughtful for the other person once a day. If you agree to let it go and move on, truly let it go and move on. Remember it’s “you and me vs. the problem” not “you vs. me”. Do what you did at the BEGINNING of your relationship and there won’t be and END. That’s all I can say. Good luck honey. I believe you can make it through this. You are so strong.”
i got this from a really great anon and I’ve read it like five times already and i’m still processing but I’m going to try to take a walk when joey gets home and really reflect on all of this good advice. i’m publishing because i know there’s a lot of bad relationship ish going on right now.